anyway, in order to keep this guy's privacy, i'm going to call him NG. actually, i don't give a flying poop about his privacy, but he's totally the kind of guy that would google himself, and i just know if i post it, he'll find it and sue me for harassment. yes, he would do that. not. kidding.
he sits one cubicle quad over...here's a picture to illustrate.
1. is where NG sits. by himself, no one else in his quad.
2. this is part of my quad, the desk in between us is empty.
3. this is where i sit.
mind you my office does not have near this cool of systems furniture. ours is grey. and plastic laminate, but you get the point. he's not close enough i should be able to hear all these things.
you guys should realize by now that i love to make lists, so i'm listing the reasons why NG annoys the living poop outta me.
1. he crunches ice. all day. there is no end to the ice crunching. OH, AND when he takes a drink of this "iced latte" that he makes himself, he slurps it with his mouth open and then proceeds to crunch the ice. sick.
2. this "latte" he makes...and tells everyone is worth 4 dollars...is a mixture of coffee, hot chocolate, a butt load of sugar and creamer. poured over ice. sick. it looks like chocolate milk and makes me want to vomit when i smell it. no thanks, i'll stick to my tea and diet coke.3. he uses phrases such as "i got blowed up in iraq" and "the core (of engineers) side of things is they way i know it" and "i just don't know about the private sector, it's all different" and "i'm a military man myself!" and "you're only an old dog if you stop learning new tricks!" i hear all of these at least twice a day.
4. he has no volume control. at all. everything is said at a loud volume. now, my dad has hearing problems, he's deaf in one ear and has very poor hearing in the other. he speaks loudly and this guy puts him to shame. in fact, i should put all of his quotes IN CAPS LIKE THIS to illustrate him yelling on the phone.
5. he's creepy. like really creepy. looks, tone of voice, eye contact, sitting too close to me (and other women), etc...i'll just chalk it up to women's intuition, but i guarantee this guy has sexually harassed or molested someone. i just know it.
6. his last name starts with a G followed by an N, but the G is silent...like his name would normally sound like NN initials. so every time he meets or talks to someone on the phone for the first time, he has to tell him this, "now that's N*** Gn******, THE G IS SILENT." okay...i realize that name spelling is important, and that as someone with a strange spelling for a name, i should be sensitive to that, but he tells people this when it is unnecessary. and i just say it's catie with a c. and my boss who sits next to me says it's krystil with a k. NOT HARD.
7. everytime someone comes to ask him a question, he gives them a friggin' lecture. like they are stupid and didn't go through 5 or 6 years of school to get a degree. so he has to explain everything about the whole process of how something is made or how to document something or some other crap like that when really he could just go, "yeah, i want it to look like that." just because the army paid for your degree, doesn't make you smarter than everyone else.
8. his cell phone has an annoying ringer and it rings all the time. everyone else in the office leaves their phone on vibrate during the day. and i would say he's on his cell phone 4 hours out of the day. and he yells at his wife on the phone and talks about personal things. AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS. in fact, just today i have learned that the contractor that is repainting his house is not getting paid until he finishes, he's drafting a contract for someone to fix his roof and that he has lost $60K in the stock market. in one day. that's twice as much as i make in a year.
9. he will hang up on clients and coworkers to answer his cell phone to talk about stocks or to talk to his contractor. WTF?
10. at our pumpkin carving contest for work, he called the interior design group decorators. there is nothing more horrific to call a designer than a decorator. and everyone in the architecture world knows that...except for NG, i guess. anyway, he comes up to the pumpkin and says, "so is this the interior decorator's pumpkin?" and like out of a movie, the whole room goes silent. and we have 60 employees. they all turn and look at us (there are three of us) and this architect standing next to me goes, "i don't see any decorators around here, it's the ID girls pumpkin." and then there was an uncomfortable silence and he walked out of the room and everyone started talking again. it seriously was like in a movie. weird.
well, i could go on, but i'll stop for now, i'm feeling much better already!
does anyone else have someone like this in their lives? it doesn't have to be at work, could be anywhere.
ahhhh, YESSS, I have one of those at work, too!! She is always trying to explain to me how to make mundane tasks and it takes all I have not to go off on her. For instance: one day she tried to teach me how to make coffee. Another day, she was trying to tell me that I should take a message if one of the lawyers' were out. DUH. Holy buckets, it drives me up the wall. I could probably go on and on. Maybe I should make a list, too!
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